Opening in Dallas, 04/28
by Brian
In want-to-see order:
United 93 (trailer): My most eagerly awaited film in a while. Aside from the shamelessly misleading key art, this seems like a top-notch production all the way. Incidentally, I’ve been meaning to watch director Paul Greengrass’s Bloody Sunday this week, but haven’t been able to find a copy. That’s what online subscription services are for, I guess, but we canceled ours from lack of use.
Hard Candy (trailer): I don’t really want to see this very badly, but it’s a kind of a slow week aside from United 93. I’d be more interested in this if Lionsgate hadn’t spent the past year or so making a conscious effort to brand themselves as the most cynical and exploitative distributor around.
When Do We Eat? (trailer): I remember reading somewhere – don’t remember where – that this was very surreal and funny in a Buñuel-ish sort of way, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a funny drug-induced hallucination outside of The Big Lebowski and that time Homer Simpson talked to that coyote voiced by Johnny Cash. It’s more typically a lazy plot device better left to TV sitcoms, of which “The Simpsons” of course is. For now.
Akeelah and the Bee (trailer): Hot on the heels of last year’s Bee Season comes another spelling bee movie, this one looking like more of a standard underdog story than that movie’s more mystical take on the subject. If nothing else, it’s another chance for Larry Fishburne to play a character that acts and sounds exactly like Morpheus.
Hate Crime (trailer): I never heard of this movie until I saw it was opening here. Trailer looks TV-movie-of-the-weekish, and the IMDb rating is awfully low, usually a bad sign for small, specially targeted releases.
The Beauty Academy of Kabul (trailer at official site): This looks thematically similar to last year’s Mad Hot Ballroom, where we found out that there’s no inner city child’s life that’s so hellish that ballroom dancing can’t fix it. Here, we find out that, sure, being a woman in Afghanistan can be rough at times, but it’s nothing American hairdressers can’t fix! It’s like something I’d expect the Bush administration to commission.
Stick It (trailer): Looks pretty bad.
RV (trailer): Once upon a time (i.e., 1996), Barry Sonnenfeld had just done Get Shorty, which hasn’t held up so well over time but was still pretty decent, and I was eagerly awaiting his next movie. Then came Men in Black, which had its moments. It was OK. Since then, we’ve had Wild Wild West, Big Trouble (which I didn't see), Men in Black II, and now this. So I ask, has there been a worse director over the past six/seven years?
United 93 (trailer): My most eagerly awaited film in a while. Aside from the shamelessly misleading key art, this seems like a top-notch production all the way. Incidentally, I’ve been meaning to watch director Paul Greengrass’s Bloody Sunday this week, but haven’t been able to find a copy. That’s what online subscription services are for, I guess, but we canceled ours from lack of use.
Hard Candy (trailer): I don’t really want to see this very badly, but it’s a kind of a slow week aside from United 93. I’d be more interested in this if Lionsgate hadn’t spent the past year or so making a conscious effort to brand themselves as the most cynical and exploitative distributor around.
When Do We Eat? (trailer): I remember reading somewhere – don’t remember where – that this was very surreal and funny in a Buñuel-ish sort of way, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a funny drug-induced hallucination outside of The Big Lebowski and that time Homer Simpson talked to that coyote voiced by Johnny Cash. It’s more typically a lazy plot device better left to TV sitcoms, of which “The Simpsons” of course is. For now.
Akeelah and the Bee (trailer): Hot on the heels of last year’s Bee Season comes another spelling bee movie, this one looking like more of a standard underdog story than that movie’s more mystical take on the subject. If nothing else, it’s another chance for Larry Fishburne to play a character that acts and sounds exactly like Morpheus.
Hate Crime (trailer): I never heard of this movie until I saw it was opening here. Trailer looks TV-movie-of-the-weekish, and the IMDb rating is awfully low, usually a bad sign for small, specially targeted releases.
The Beauty Academy of Kabul (trailer at official site): This looks thematically similar to last year’s Mad Hot Ballroom, where we found out that there’s no inner city child’s life that’s so hellish that ballroom dancing can’t fix it. Here, we find out that, sure, being a woman in Afghanistan can be rough at times, but it’s nothing American hairdressers can’t fix! It’s like something I’d expect the Bush administration to commission.
Stick It (trailer): Looks pretty bad.
RV (trailer): Once upon a time (i.e., 1996), Barry Sonnenfeld had just done Get Shorty, which hasn’t held up so well over time but was still pretty decent, and I was eagerly awaiting his next movie. Then came Men in Black, which had its moments. It was OK. Since then, we’ve had Wild Wild West, Big Trouble (which I didn't see), Men in Black II, and now this. So I ask, has there been a worse director over the past six/seven years?
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13 Comments:
So I ask, has there been a worse director over the past six/seven years?
Oh, that's easy: Paul W.S. Anderson. I'm sure there are more, but just can't come up with them yet. No, wait, how could I forget: the Boll.
Had never heard of The Beauty Academy of Kabul. Looks pretty good to me. May catch up with that one.
I can't stand Lesley Ann Warren, and avoid or stop watching whatever I see her in. The woman looks fucked-up and her freakish grin and blaring eyeballs freak me out every time. So no "When Do We Eat" for me.
And I laughed at the RV trailer, which usually means I'll see it even if I know it blows.
Big Trouble was funny in parts. Or maybe I'm thinking of "Who Is Cletus Tout?" I went through an "unknown tim allen movies" phase for a week. It's amazing what you find on Netflix. Yeah...it was Cletis Tout. Funny opening scene there
You know, I'm sitting here thinking, and I don't have the foggiest idea whether or not I saw Nutty Professor II. It seems like I did, but ... did I? Maybe it was a dream.
Boll doesn't count. Neither does Clark. Nobody sees their movies and nobody's even expected to. Anderson isn't prolific enough. Marshall is a good suggestion though.
I'd still go with Sonnenfeld, because studios are much more likely to pretend that his movies are "events", and they're pitched to a much wider audience than the average chick flick.
I can't stand Lesley Ann Warren, and avoid or stop watching whatever I see her in.
Even The Limey?
A brief defense of one Marshall film:
I have two nieces, 16 and 19, and I have made a lot of cinematic sacrifices for them, with the most notable being a matinee screening of Spice World. Based on that standard, the first Princess Diary movie was far from horrifying. On the other hand, there is no excuse for misogynistic drek like Runaway Bride.
When my oldest niece hit 15 or so, her tastes in film changed. At the multiplex, she will pass over the blockbusters and mindless teen movies and choose something more challenging. I'm having a blast sharing some of my favorites with her. Haven't yet loaned her The Limey, but that is on the list...
Boll doesn't count. Neither does Clark. Nobody sees their movies and nobody's even expected to. Anderson isn't prolific enough.
Oh, so now there are rules? All right, Rob Cohen.
Even The Limey?
Ain't seen The Limey. And now I have a good reason not to.
And have to say that I echo that sentiment for Princess Diaries. As far as teen movies go it wasn't bad.
Holy shit, so far United 93 has a 94% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 92 rating on Metacritic.
Random thoughts:
Hack Director Battle Royale: I'm going to label Sonnenfeld worse than Cohen because he's proven himself capable (with the Addams Family movies, MIB and Get Shorty) of making a decent film. Cohen has never made anything more than a B-grade action film. Therefore, Sonnenfeld’s acts are more deplorable because he knows what to do but he's just too lazy to do it.
Additional nomination: Brett Ratner
On Wayne Wayne: I really wonder what happened to the other Wayne Wayne (who directed Smoke and Joy Luck Club). He clearly can’t be the same hack who is churning out rancid crap like Maid in Manhattan and Last Holiday. The very definition of “sell-out”.
The Princess Diaries: Despite my unhealthy fixation on Anne Hathaway, I can rent Havoc or Brokeback and get a much more…satisfying…view of her “talents”.
United 93: Considering the overwhelmingly positive reviews, I'm wondering if folks at Uni are kicking themselves for not holding back the film until awards season. “Too soon”, indeed.
And Nick…you’ve NEVER seen The Limey? For shame…
Peter Segal's a good nomination - I've generally seen films from longer then 7 years ago (My Fellow Americans, Tommy Boy, Naked Gun 33 and a third) and on that basis would be fully prepared to be a leading proprietor of movie drivel.
I think I first noticed something distinctly unappealing about his directorial style in 'My Fellow Americans'. The film benefits from the professionalism of Lemmon and Garner in the leads but there was something vaguely depressing about Segal's ultra-fast paced direction which it made it clear he had no concept of narrative cohesion, well-timed gags, or any hint of sophstication were fully alien concepts to him.
Certainly a viewing of large portions of 'Anger Management' has confirmed him being a leader of lowest-common denominator filmmaking.
Gary Marshall I wouldn't put in this bracket - he's been backing the same manipulative phooey since the 1980s. Admittedly he's quite adept at it. 'Overboard' is completely unbelivable from the word go but I must admit to quite enjoy watching it any time it pops up on TV. And considering how financially successful most of his films are, why would he change?
As for Rob Reiner, what happened to his career? Just over a decade ago he was clearly one of the better directors coming out of Hollywood and now he's considered the definition of hack. Perhaps the turning point was 'North' one of the most godawful films made in the 1990s. He did make 'The American President' after that (as idealistic and unrealistic it was about US politics, it was still a pretty entertaining film) but nothing to write home about since.
I've never actually seen a Brett Ratner movie. That will change with X3, I imagine. Not sure why I didn't see Red Dragon.
Nick: Watch The Limey. I'm not saying that it will change your opinion of Warren, but I am saying it's worth putting up with her presence (which isn't huge, anyway).
If anyone is avoiding seeing Secretary because of Lesley Ann Warren, you're only punishing yourself (no pun intended). Secretary is a terrific movie.
I saw 'Clue' a little while back. While it a had feel of being a B-Grade 'Murder by Death', it managed to stay entertaining almost till the end despite it having a tricky premise that could've easily fallen into tediousness.
Somehow I don't even recall Lesley Ann Warren in The Limey. Lem Dobbs' presence in the commentary track is more memorable to me, so if you're avoiding it because of Lesley....
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